I Walk Alone

This morning on the way home, I heard the line in Greenday 's song "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" : "I Walk Alone", and it hit a nerve. After being in the US for 37 years now, there is definitely a strong thread in my story line that is made up of a 100% solitude. I walk alone, I do, in many respects, as far as my perspective goes, as far as my understanding and emotions go, when it comes to absorbing the new culture that I have been soaked in since I was 19. I now realize that walking alone, emotionally, does not mean you are alone physically, or that you are isolated. It just means your world and the way you see it, because of multiple layers of experiences and understandings, and adjustments, limits you in the ability to share that perspective in an environment that gives you an audience, whether they be family or friends, that can relate to you, let alone understand you. After many years of being able to let that predicament season like a good wine, I have reached a place of peace, acceptance and even tolerance of my immigrant's bitter-sweet point of view and perch. The often precarious perch offers me strength, charisma and an almost endless patience with conflicting ideas, people, circumstances. On a bad day, I call it detachment, on a good day, wisdom. It is not an easy place to be, but it is definitely interesting. There are definitely times I feel the pain of not having a supportive family of in-laws, of having had a disastrous blood family, of having always to struggle with relevant friendships that allow me to share my deeper interests. It just did not happen. Who knows why. My writing is a way to express and share my unique experiences and perspectives, and hopefully provide meaning to people with similar experiences, or an interest in the experiences. Over the years I have developed a deep love and passion for animals, especially neglected and abused animals, and I know that solitude is a trait in cats. In that way, having been close to four cats that were pets over the last 13 years, has allowed me to appreciate solitude as a viable life style that has its benefits. On the other hand, I am also painfully aware of how heartbreaking that solitude can become when it is not a choice , but enforced, as more than one chained up and caged dog in our neighborhood know that I have helped and am still trying to help. My own situation, on a good day, is that of the contented solitary cat, like Sneakers, our tabby we had for 13 years. On a bad day, my situation is that of the caged dog, howling its frustrated despair wondering the why of the cruelty. Most days fall somewhere in between, as I would imagine most people's lives fall, somewhere between purgatory and a peaceful oasis for our hopes and dreams.