Tante Lieve

There are some people in our lives who seem to have an impact that lasts a lifetime. They have a strength and integrity that seems to help shape our character, views, and resolve. They also seem to add a measure of joy and hope because of their presence in our lives. In my case, some of these people were around when I was growing up, others became friends in college and graduate school, others still are friends I met after I finished my studies, got married and started a family. My friend Catherine in Paris, my friend Dottie in Texas, Ellen in Chicago, Driss in Morocco, Eduardo at Berkeley, Brenda and Diane here in Olympia, and a lady in Oostende, Belgium, my father's youngest sister, Tante Lieve Desender. When I think of strength of character, intelligence, determination, compassion, and a very clever sense of humor, I think of my aunt Lieve. As far back as I can remember, she was someone I looked up to, still do. She remained single and had a stellar career in social services in Oostende, Belgium, where she made a difference in hundreds of people's lives. At 71, she still works tirelessly as a volunteer on several committees for the advancement of senior citizen rights. She still knows a ton of people, still makes a difference with her charitable works and character, on a daily basis. I want to be like her when I grow up, I smilingly admit to myself. I respect her strength and independence and after my family fell apart, she became a true and tried friend. I call her on the phone about every two, three months, and always look forward to our marathon conversations that cover everything from family to culture to politics and religion. She has a unique perspective on life, on people, is a great story teller, has a vast psychological insight into people and their motives, and is fiercely loyal to her family and friends. Her friendship proved invaluable when I was going through the healing process after the death of both my parents and sisters and the permanent estrangement from my only surviving sibling, my brother Bart in Texas. Her compassion combined with her intelligent insight were as solid as my therapist's at the time. My therapist, a very smart woman, was glad I had the friendship and support of my aunt in Belgium, as it seemed to speed up the closure and healing process. My aunt has known me my whole life. She remembers coming to the hospital with my grandmother after I was born, in 1957. She was at my first communion and my confirmation, she remembers my graduation from high school, she remembers me getting ready to leave for the US in 1976. She knew my sisters up to the time of their deaths, was my father's youngest sister and was at his bedside when he died. She met my husband Michael after we were first married, she met my son Nicholas at my parents' house in Georgia in 1996. She has known me longer than anyone I can think of in my life, and she knows me still when I am 55. Her presence in my life is an invaluable gift, a treasure. She is a true part of my heart and mind and soul, and I am so grateful for her support and love, as she is there now to have seen my son's picture at his graduation from high school, to see him tower over me at almost six foot six at age 19, to hear how well he did in high school and how well he is doing in college, to have received Michael and my 25th wedding anniversary picture. She has always been there for me, a treasure trove of wisdom, friendship, and love.