The Birthday Party

Relaxing in the evening in our wet bathing suits after an evening swim to cool down from another day of relentless heat, my husband and I revisited the 2012 James Bond movie, starring Daniel Craig, "Skyfall". Somehow, this time around, the figure of Raul Silva, played by Xavier Bardem, left a deep impression on me.The Spanish actor portrays a former MI 6 operative, out for revenge against his mother who betrayed him, a role played by Dame Judi Dench . My dreams often take me where during waking hours I would hesitate to go, so last night I had a dream where I visited my estranged brother in Texas. Interestingly, my brother's hair in the dream was dyed the same yellow colour of the character Xavier Bardem was playing in "Skyfall". That definitely was intriguing, considering my brother took take of my mother the last 2 years of her life, and Xavier Bardem plays a man desperate to torment and kill his mother who betrayed him. My mother betrayed me, and as a result I became estranged from her and my brother, who was by then my only surviving sibling. So, to see my brother in a dream, as a younger version of himself, looking like the Raul Silva character, and sporting the character's yellow hair, set the stage for an emotionally tense and conflicting dream script. The setting of the dream was a large, modern and luxuriously furnished condo with large bay windows where my brother and an apparent male room mate lived. My brother was holding a large birthday party for his daughter who looked about eight in the dream. He had at least a dozen children invited, along with their parents, and had set up a very fancy dessert table loaded with fancy cupcakes and a huge cake that looked custom made. His daughter looked so happy, and all the children were having a great time. I remember tasting one of the large cupcakes loaded with sprinkles and cream, and it tasted delicious. I remember smiling as I bit into it. My brother seemed both proud and relaxed. We sat next to each other for a while, and I told him he should come visit me some time soon. He did not answer, but seemed to look away into the distance. He smiled, but it was a distant smile, born more out of politeness than concern or emotion. I remember crying at one point. He was not mean or cold, just indifferent, which seems to be pretty accurate as far as our actual non- relationship goes. I told him he should read my memoir on Amazon, " Lioness in exile", and especially the story I did on him called " The Mallard", which recalls his love of birds and ducks as a child, based on the visit of a mallard in our pool a few winters back, and the longing it unleashed for my brother, and the pain of having lost him. My brother did not seem to hear me, which only added a deeper layer of both meaning and poetic melancholy to the dream. I woke up feeling I wanted to relive the dream, and relishing remembering the details and mood. The dream ended with me leaving the condo, catching a glimpse of its beautiful large stained glass bay windows as the setting sun cast a glow of warm light on the happy birthday celebration.