The Funeral

A few days ago my husband and I attended the funeral of a neighbour who together with her husband and their family have been living next door of us ever since we moved to our house 26 years ago. The funeral was a celebration of our neigbour's life, of her devotion to her family and her faith. There were flowers everywhere, pink lilies and pink roses, surrounding the beautiful white coffin at the viewing, at the altar and near the refreshment table at the entrance. There was a spirit of optimism in the face of loss, a focus on the abundance of family, friends, on the comfort and strength faith gives at times like these. I have lost a lot of family, so the emphasis and presence of so much family with children, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, nephews made an impact. The songs were uplifting, as was the message of love and connections beyond death and loss. I was deeply moved.
It got me to think about the importance of ritual in our lives, of how rituals help us accept the profound mystery that is the human predicament. I was raised a Catholic, and still remember the strong scent of the incense during mass, the richly embroidered robes of the priests during important religious holidays, like Easter Sunday. This funeral was LDS, and I loved the emphasis of family, on families meeting again in the heavenly realms. I learned about Hinduism and Buddhism from friends in college and friends on the path of life after college. I remember being profoundly impressed when attending a Jewish synagogue, so rich in its intellectual and historical depth. I remember Muslim friends of mine in graduate school speak with deep devotion about the Koran. All major religions are steeped in traditions,in rituals to maintain and celebrate these traditions and their attachment to convictions about life and death. I have been a member of a black Baptist church for over 20 years, I go long stretches in between church visits, but each time I go back, I am deeply moved by the soul moving beauty, depth, and mystical power the music and energy and joy creates. It is always a powerful, life affirming spiritual experience. I am a spiritual person who finds nourishment for my soul in being close to nature, in solitude, in the restorative power of prayer in the quiet of my heart.
I am also an agnostic, very much aware of a healthy dose of suspicion towards a belief system that denounces intelligence in exchange for blind faith, which in extreme cases of course leads to the dissolution of the separation between church and state, like what is happening with extreme Islam now, and extreme Christian fundamentalists, who reject scientific facts and findings such as evolution and global climate change. Blind faith tied to extremism leads to horrific crimes, of war and genocide in the name of perverted and twisted convictions. But this funeral was serene and very beautiful, very heart warming. I realized that it does not matter that we as humans have doubts about the meaning of our existence on this earth, with its challenges and heartbreaks, its cruelties, its wars and horrible diseases, with poverty, addictions and despair and hunger. Religion and its faith are a way to come to terms with all of that, some more enthusiastically than others. To me, as one who is interested in the spiritual process and its ability to enhance compassion and kindness in the best of cases, but not blind to the weaknesses and abuses of organized religions,spiritual rituals are fascinating. We celebrate births, baptisms, marriages, even death, in so many different ways depending on our churches. Whether all there truly believe in these rituals seems unimportant to me. To me what fascinates me is the phenomenon, is the fact that we try. And I think the most beautiful expressions of these rituals and their context are often seen in those with a healthy dose of skepticism. It is our vulnerability as humans, spiritually, that keeps us sincere, strong, wise and loving. And that makes sure we do not become arrogant and dangerously judgmental about matters of faith. because when we do, we show a most despicable part of our hearts and beings. And when we stay humble and open minded, we show the best and most hope giving part of ourselves, the part of our being that transcends and connects us all in a loving, inclusive way.