Present Tense

It is one of those rare autumn days where the sun pours its liquid warmth on the bright blue sky and the golden, red and orange leafed trees that seem to be everywhere this year, as we have had very little rainfall. A gentle breeze adds to the delight of the beautiful day here, and it feels awesome to feel sun reminiscent of a summer day. The whole feeling has this effect of slowing down time. Present tense. The here, the now. It is taking me time to let go of the past, and not to fixate on the future, to see the gift of each day and live it with its challenges and joys. It is an ability that I have seen and see in all the dogs and cats we have taken into our home over the last 25 years. In a way, when you live in the present, you slow down time, because you deal with the moment in all its aspects. I smile at a couple of squirrels playing in the cherry tree, chasing each other around. I delight at the mess of leaves twirling down into the backyard lawn. I notice a dragonfly sunning itself on a towel hanging outside. A few fat spiders are blowing around in their webs, seemingly unconcerned about winter coming. The moment is all we truly have. Sure, it is important to plan tomorrow, and learn from the past, but all that wisdom should enable us, not disable us, to enjoy and make the best of each day. It is sunny and peaceful today, and even though there are many things I could be upset about, I choose not to and live in the moment that is given to me now. As a first generation immigrant, I often feel the pressure to make each day something special, unusual, and many days have been just that in the last 37 years I have been living in the US. And many days were lonely, difficult, frustrating, confusing. Some were and are very happy and fulfilling. So, it is only in the last couple of years that I feel entitled to just ordinary days, too. Days where I just enjoy and allow them and myself to be. The ordinary, the invisible, the quiet of my days are precious too. In their silence is part of my journey, too. Part of my soul, my heart, my story, my strength. The present tense is a part of me and more and more, it is part of my deeper self, of the fruit of my labours and efforts to make something worthwhile out of the unique journey I chose, away from country, language, culture and family, to reinvent myself into the person I am today. Not the person I was yesterday, not the person I will be tomorrow, but the person I am and can be each and every day again, with each gift of sunrise and the new chances that light brings one precious, unique moment at a time, adding one stitch at a time to the continuing needle work patterns that life leads me to explore.