Just Right

A very dear friend of mine has always inspired me with her indomitable spirit. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 8 years ago and beat it beautifully, never doubting she would. Now she has one more chemo treatment for spinal cancer and her optimism is untainted. We have been friends for 20 years and each year we celebrate the anniversary of our first meeting, Ground Hog Day 1995. I spent the afternoon at her house yesterday, and we watched the movie "Ground Hog Day" with Bill Murray and Andie McDowell. I had not seen that movie since I watched it with my son many years ago, and was struck by the wisdom of the story. Living in the moment and giving that all your love and energy is indeed  harder than it would seem at first. It sounds simple enough. Live in the moment. But, what that really means is that you have to accept that moment in all its positives and negatives. In the movie it turns out, that Bill Murray's character was his own worst negative, so much so he projected that negativity onto everything and everyone in his path, leaving himself exhausted and bitter. By having to relive the same day over and over again, Ground Hog Day, he slowly begins to realize that if he could find compassion and kindness in himself and others, time would move forward again and he would get out of the rut of self pity and selfishness he was stuck in. He surprises everyone, including himself, and wins the heart of the woman he secretly was in love with. It is a great story, and Bill Murray does a great job showing irritation and impatience during the process of redemption. It was the perfect movie to watch with winter nearing its end and spring around the corner, as I felt a longing for new beginnings, as did Diane. One more chemo treatment and she would be done, her hair would start to regrow, spring and the sun would come out, one more battle would be won. As I was walking home from her house with my husband and our feisty dog Yara, I noticed the warm wind and a beautiful blue sky full of vibrant white clouds. It made me think of Diane's spirit, always so full of love and warmth, and I felt what I always feel when I spend time with her : more space and more peace in my heart and soul. I could not think of any other friend whose wise soul makes me feel that way : free to accept myself in every way, and to fly with the wings I was given, regardless of the weight attached to them. Free. It was an awesome feeling, an awesome gift from this mother of 6 sons and 4 daughters, this brave, kind woman who is my friend and who always makes me feel everything is going just right when I leave my ego and its tantrums behind.