Who is this?

A dear friend of mine from my graduate school days in Austin, Texas now lives a world away. But there are still times when remembering his sensitivity, sense of humor and tact, still bring a smile to my face all these years later. One day, we decided to go dancing. I was very fond of him, and had bought him a tiny clay dragon creature, something small enough to put in a pant pocket. This was a person I felt very safe with, emotionally, so even though I was slightly nervous about the sentimental gift, I gave it to him any way. I put it on our table where we were seated taking a break with a drink  at the disco place. My friend looked down, saw the tiny gift, and said with a kind smile: "Who is this?" It is something I have always remembered, because most people would have asked:"What is this?" The distinction is important, because it implies the difference between indifference and respect. By asking "Who is this?", my friend showed nuance, caution, a flair for diplomacy and humor all in one. He made me feel rewarded for the courage it took me to show vulnerability when it came to him. He could have embarrassed me, but he didn't. It showed a side of him that made him very dear to me from that moment on. I have not seen my friend in 26 years, and I do not know if he would remember this anecdote. We speak on the phone and send e-mails, and he seems as humble as ever in spite of all his impressive intellectual and career achievements. Kindness and consideration seem second nature to him, so he probably does not keep track of the nice things he did then or does now. Even small acts of consideration and kindness can sow a seed that can give life to a flower of hope and dignity that is still growing many years later.