Mirror

Betrayal always hurts, especially when it goes on for a lifetime, and it comes at the hands of your mother, which is exactly what happened to my siblings and me. But  by the time we figured it out, both my sisters were dead. In therapy, with the capable guidance and wisdom of Judith Bouffiou, I learned that betrayal from a parent hurts so much, because it is not expected. Through therapy, I was able to verbalize deeply hidden hurts, and able to express it through poetry, which helped me to release the deep sorrow at our mother's betrayals, that came carefully camouflaged in a web of lies , by writing this poem that takes me back to a childhood memory, that reveals I was aware already at a young age,before I was ten, that something was very wrong at our house and with our family, no matter how picture perfect it looked to the outside world.

Mirror

The days that are the hardest
Are those when I look in the mirror
And I see you.

I disappear, where is my smile, my innocence,
my youth?

Your eyes haunt mine
with their trained deceit
You smile with that so familiar
fatal smirk.

And I am nine again, and watch you
Line up your boxes of  expensive Italian
stiletto shoes, your eyes full of irritation
And contempt, for my child's bewildered gaze,
intuitively sensing your shame and intent.

So many men, so little time.

There are days now, I can look in the mirror
And it is only me I see, and I can turn off
The light, without pain or fear.

Good bye, mother,
It feels so good not
To have you near.

Trudi Ralston,
June 25th 2009- April 12th 2012.