The Day the Music died

I remember a time when I would listen to music all the time. In the last seven years, that has changed. I had to really work on overcoming the urge to give in to the cemetery like silence that haunted me after both my sisters and both my parents died under very traumatic circumstances. Even now, there are mornings that the quiet sounds of morning outside my bedroom window remind me of the sounds at a solitary cemetery. All the dead seem to be around somehow, quietly sleeping in my backyard. At first , it was eery, but I got used to the sense of them being there on many an early morning, before the noises and sounds of the street evaporate their somewhat oppressive presence. But not evading the silence also became a way to overcome the sadness, the shock and trauma of the tragic deaths. I wrote a piece yesterday about the sweet presence of silence, so I know that time is also a healer in this case, however slow the process may seem. I no longer am afraid of the feelings that can at times overwhelm me, they are now a part of me. I accept them. Acceptance is a big part of the healing process, but it is definitely not something you can hurry. It was extremely difficult to overcome the shock, the trauma, which manifested itself in physical symptoms, like nausea and muscle pain, fatigue and insomnia, the anger, the rage, to let it take its  course  with the guidance of a good therapist, and now to realize, with a deep sigh of profound relief, that the battle is over. I can enjoy music again. Not always, and not yet as often as I did before, but I am moving forward, with a smile and with renewed energy and insight. I went through that tunnel of darkness and made it to the other side, where light and hope live freely. Music is a wonderful thing for the heart , the soul. The music of Stevie wonder, for example has inspired and lifted me from the time I was 15. The music I get to hear and sing at my church, New Life, songs like "Holy Spirit, breathe on me"..., lift me into joy, strength. To have been in that dead space where the music fell silent in my heart, was dreadful. But if you are ever there, don't give up, keep on keeping on, and the music will come back to you, stronger, louder, more joyous, more vibrant.